Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize