May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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