How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
