I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I still have a little drunk in my system
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
