i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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