he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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