3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
