Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
