i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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