Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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