Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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