He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
