I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
