when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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