I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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