Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
