Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
