dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
His nipple licking is glorious
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