you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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