I'm going to jail i love you
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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