I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I had to cum in my sink.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
