Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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