Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
