You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
