just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
