True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
