My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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