brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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