She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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