Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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