Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
