im gay
i know
yea but for you.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
