I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
