I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
