I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
