We need to rekindle our bromance
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
