OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
