i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
