Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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