Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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