No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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