Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
