Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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