I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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