take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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