The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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