I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
