If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
