:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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