I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
