it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
