I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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