i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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