Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
