So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
