I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
