She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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