She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
