Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize