I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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