1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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