You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
God, I missed his penis.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
