Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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