Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
