if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
And then he peed in my hair
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