Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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