Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
