We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
