Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
