i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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