They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
