Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
