we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
