Im at strip club and am horny
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
