I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
