ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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