Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
