If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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