nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
