I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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