I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
