God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
