oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
