Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
