Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
this boner is exhausting
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
