mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
