I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
