Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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