oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
