I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
