Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
