As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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